Panicked
by justkillingtime
Summary: A companion piece to my other PP story Panic. This is Pete's POV and picks up right where season 2 ended.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: So this has been going over and over in my head for a while. so much so I just had to try and write it. It is a companion piece to the other Private Practice story I wrote. The first story was from Violet's POV this one is from Pete's. It takes off right where season 2 ended.**

Beer, there is something about the amber liquid which just makes you smile. It is the drink of celebrations, the drink of commiserations, the drink to unwind from a long day. Unwind, that's what you're doing, it has been a long day, but a good day, you finally worked out what your feelings for Violet are and you told her. You want her, and she wants you, you make her happy, that's what she told you and the thought of that makes you smile.

"You're in a good mood tonight." The familiar voice of the bartender muses. "I don't think I've ever seen you smiling so much."

"Yeah," You let out the word and start smiling again. "I'm going to be a farther."

"Really? That lady you been talking about finally get a paternity test done."

"No," You shake your head, "It doesn't matter anymore, the kid is going to be mine."

"I see," He nods like he understands. "You got her then?"

"Yep, I got her." You can't wipe the smile off your face at the thought of Violet and the family you're about to try and be. As you say the words you feel your phone begin to vibrate, you glance down at the caller ID and smile brighter. "Speaking for her excuse me," the bartender walks away and you open the phone. "Hey Violet!" you called down the line.

"Help me, please help me!" The words were not what you were expecting, the tone of her voice nothing like you would ever think to hear.

"Violet?" The fear and concern echoes in your voice, "Violet?"

"Help me." Her voice this time is so quiet you can hardly hear it.

"Violet?" You call her name down the line, "Violet?"

This time there is no answer, no response and you get this sicken feeling that something is not right.

"Are you okay?" You look up and see the bartender standing next to you again.

"No," You shake your head and reach for your wallet, you leave some money on the bar and take off at a run.

You run to your car and you drive as fast as you can towards Violet's home. At every moment you can you try to phone her but there is no answer, the phone just keeps ringing and as every second passes the dreaded feeling grows stronger and stronger. By the time you reach her home your heart is racing. You run up the steps to the front door and pound against it.

"Violet!" You yell through the door, "Violet!" But the door is locked tight and there is no movement inside the house. You stand there for a second trying to think then you start running around the home. At the side you look in through the window and the sick feeling inside of you twists into a gut retching knot, you can see blood, all over the floor you can see blood and Violet's body laying motionless in the middle of it.

"Violet!" You scream and without even thinking you break the window with your elbow, you smash the glass out and climb through the hole. "Violet." You run to her side and kneel down beside her. She is covered in blood and within seconds so are you, you try to use your hands to stop the bleeding but there is too much, you can't stop it and you begin to panic. You can't think straight and it takes you a minute to remember the one thing you should have done in the first instance. You reach for the phone and dial 911.

It takes longer than it should for you to tell the operator what they need to know, you have trouble finding the words you need and keeping it cool. You are frantic and scared beyond belief.

"Hang in there Violet, hang in there." You find yourself whispering under your breath. "Just keep breathing, just hold on." At the sound of your voice she seems to breath, she takes a breath but you know she is not breathing nearly enough. She's dying; she's bleeding to death in your arms.

You push harder against the gaping wound, you try to use your hands to close it and when that doesn't work you pull the shirt off your back and use that. The blood soaks through in a matter of seconds.

"Come on, come on, come on." You start willing for the ambulance to arrive. The ten minutes it takes feel like the longest ten minutes of your life. By the time they make their way through the front door you are exhausted and starting to shake. Someone pulls you off her and they start loading her onto a stretcher, hooking her up to monitors, getting fluids back into her. They ask you questions, her name, how old she is, is she allergic to anything, does she have any medical conditions.

"Violet, forty one, no, she's pregnant, she was pregnant, the babies gone." The words come out of your mouth in a flurry as they move around you. They move so fast, you almost don't hop in the ambulance, they almost leave you behind but then you remember, you climb inside and wrap your hand around hers.

You hold onto her for as long as you can, until they push her through the double doors and someone tells you you're not allowed back there. For a moment you try to argue with them, you've been back there before, you're a doctor you've been back there before but it is different now, you're not a doctor right now they tell you. It is better if you stay here they say and then they ask if there is someone they can phone for you.

"No, I'll," you find it hard to get the words out. "I'll phone them."

The person walks away when you say that, leaving you alone to sit in your blood soaked clothes and make phone calls. You pull out your cell and begin flipping through the numbers, Addison's is the first you come to, you press send and wait for her to answer.

"Hi Pete," She greets down the line, there is no emotion to her voice, she's relaxed but as soon as you start telling her what's happened, her voice changes, she cuts you off before you have a chance to finish. She tells you she's on her way and then she hangs up and you make the next phone call. You dial Cooper's number but he doesn't answer, the phone rings out, you try twice and then move onto the next person, Naomi, then Sam, Dell, you leave a message with Pacific Wellness for Sheldon, and then you try Cooper again. You're still trying to get a hold of him when Addison walks through the doors.

"Where is she?" She asks not waiting for any other explanation. You point to the doors you were told not to go through and she disappears through them, telling you she's going to find out what's going on, she's going to try and help. You don't tell her to stop but you wish she'd just sit with you, you need to talk or do something you don't like just sitting there. A few minutes later Naomi arrives, and then Sam, you're still trying to tell them what happened when the police come over. They take you into a room and ask you a bunch of questions, you tell them your son is missing, that someone came into Violet's home and cut out your son and then left her to bleed to death. They ask you if you have any idea who might do this and at first you say no and then you remember Katie, and the funny feeling Violet had about her. Her words echo in your head.

_"I'd like to fifty one fifty her. I think she's on the edge. I've got a bad feeling about this."_

And the words you said back to her.

_"You can't commit someone on a feeling."_

The memory makes you feel sick to the stomach, like someone has taken a fist and punched you hard. You fight the urge to be sick and then you tell them everything you can about Katie. You are sure now it was her, it had to be her, who else would do something so sick. It is a horrible realisation, that you could have stopped it, if only you'd done something you could have stopped it.

When they finally tell you you're done, that they're going to do everything they can to find your son, you walk out the room and back to the waiting area. Dell is there now, he's sitting in a chair with his little girl curled up on his lap, he's holding onto her protectively and the look says it's as much for his comfort as it is for hers. Naomi and Sam are both standing in a corner, phones out, they're taking turns to try and get hold of Cooper, telling him is the only thing they can think of to do, it beats standing there doing nothing but they're not getting through, he's not answering and the thought of it makes you mad.

You start to get mad a Cooper because he's not there, he should be there you think, he's Violet's best friend, he should be there, he should have been there. The thoughts start to consume you and you turn to walk out the hospital, you can't just sit there, you take two steps and walk straight into Sheldon.

"Pete I got your message what's-" He stops mid sentence, the sight of your cloths sends the colour draining out of his face. It takes a moment for him to regain his speech "Pete what's happened?" He finally says urgency to his voice.

"She was attacked." You say looking straight at him. "They cut the baby out."

You watch his mouth drop open and after a moment he whispers, "Oh my god. Is she going to be okay?"

"I don't know." You say the words and look away from him. The thought that Violet might die makes you feel sick to the stomach, you can't process it. You push past him and walk outside, the night air is cold, it bites at your skin. You stand there, breath it in, it doesn't make you feel better. You pull out your phone and try to dial Cooper again. He should be here; he should be feelings as horrible as you do.

The phone rings six times and then you hear the line begin to connect.

"Pete what is it?" You hear him say down the line, there is an irritated tone to his voice.

"Where are you?" You let the anger out in your voice.

"At Charlotte's." He still sounds irritated. "What's the problem? Why have you been phoning all night?"

"Why?" The anger you've been feeling boils over, you shouldn't be mad at Cooper, he hasn't done anything wrong, but you can't help be mad at him. "Violet's been attacked." You say struggling to keep your voice level.

"What?" You hear the shock in his voice, "What do you mean she's been attacked?"

"She's-" you find the words get stuck in your mouth, you don't want to tell him over the phone. "You need to get to St Ambrose now." You tell him instead. He says okay and you hang up on him. He knows, everyone knows now, and you're suddenly left with nothing to do. You take a deep breath and let it out as slowly as you can.

You don't know what to do now; you don't know what you're supposed to do. You can't just sit there and do nothing.

"Pete," You look over and see Sam standing next to you. "Did you speak to Cooper?"

"Yeah, he's on his way." The words come out your mouth without any thought.

"Good," You hear Sam say, you stand in silence for a moment and then you hear him again. "She's going to be okay." He tells you, "They're going to find the baby."

You don't say anything back, you don't want to disagree with him but life experience tells you things don't always work out. You stand there in silence for long time, you watch people come and go, they move past you quickly, don't make eye contact. You're still standing there when Cooper arrives with Charlotte.

You're appearance knocks the speech out them, and as you tell them what you know you watch the colour drain. By the time you finish talking Cooper is frantic, and Charlotte is trying to calm him. His reaction gives you the briefest moment of satisfaction and then it is gone and all you have left to do is worry, and wait. You go back inside and someone tells you, you should change, have a shower, that the blood soaked clothes are scaring people. You look down at what you're wearing and the appearance scares you as well. You knew you were covered in blood, but how much hadn't registered, your singlet is soaked, pants covered, the blood runs up and down your arms and there are streaks down your face.

You take the pair of scrubs they're offering you and begin to walk down the corridor. You find the showers and clean yourself as quickly as possible. You hate the thought of waiting but the idea that you won't be there when an update comes scares you more. You walk back to the waiting room and sit down on one of the hard plastic chairs, you rest your head in your hands and breath slowly, you want to cry, a part of you thinks it might help but you are too much of a man for that so you just sit there. The others keep bringing you coffee and slowly the hours tick by.

It has been three when the double doors finally open and you see Addison step out, she's wearing scrubs now and as you look at her face you can't work out what's going on. She doesn't look happy, but she doesn't look devastated, just tried. She walks over to your small group and you all stand up. She gives everyone a look before looking straight at you.

"We've stopped the bleeding." She begins, "But she's lost an incredible amount of blood. We're moving her to the ICU and are going to keep transfusing her."

"Is she going to be okay?" You don't ask the question, you're too afraid to ask the question but Cooper does. Addison looks at him and then back at you.

"I don't know," She says a sad tone to her voice. "We're going to do everything we can but with that amount of blood loss she's at risk of serious complications, infection, kidney failure. We're going to monitor her closely but it is too soon to say."

"Okay," This time you're the one who speaks and that is all you can say. What she said wasn't bad, it was the truth and really you knew that was what she would say. It was too soon to say she'd be fine, but she wasn't dead, that was a good thing. "Can we see her?"

"Of course," She tells you and she begins to lead you down the corridors toward the ICU.


	2. Chapter 2

Walking half a step behind Addison you head towards the ICU. Behind you you can hear everyone following, they're not talking no one really knows what to say. You don't know what to say. As you make your way along the corridors you can't help comparing this to the last, the last time you walked the halls not as a doctor but as a visitor. When you made that walk years ago you swore you'd never do it again. You'd never let yourself get in that situation again, you'd never love someone enough to make that walk again. Yet here you are...again. It would be different this time though. When Anna was sick, when she was dying, you weren't wishing and hoping and praying that she would live, you did at first but not by the end, by the end you were praying for the suffering to end, there was the point you realised you couldn't save her and you just wanted it to end. Now though you don't want it to end, Violet, your feelings for her are so new, fresh, the thought that she could be taken away, it terrifies you.

At her door you stop, Addison opens it but you don't step inside, instead you just stand in the doorway and gaze at her, you're trying to get your head around what you're seeing. She looks different than before, smaller, the round mound you've become accustomed to seeing her with is gone, replaced by nothing. The bed she lays in is big in a different way, like a spaceship it engulfs her, dozens of tubes run out her body attached to bags of fluids you should recognize but you don't. The biggest tube is the one coming out her mouth, a ventilator.

"Pete," Addison's voice breaks into your thoughts. "Are you going to go in?"

"Yeah," You shake your head and take a step forward, enough for the others to pass you but not enough to reach her, you're not ready yet, instead you look up at Addison. "What's going to happen?" You ask.

She looks at Violet, and then back at you. "It depends how well she does." She begins, "If she stabilises and keeps improving, we could wake her up in maybe twenty four, thirty six hours. If she doesn't," she pauses before she finishes her sentence, before she says what you know she's going to say. "It's too soon to say what's going to happen."

"Okay," You say the one word and take the last few steps towards her bed. Cooper is on one side of her, you can see the tears running down his face; hear the words he's whispering over and over.

"I'm sorry," He keeps saying, "I'm sorry." And you can hear Charlotte trying to sooth him, she keeps telling him it's not his fault.

On the other side is Sheldon, "Just get better," you hear him tell her. "I'm going to find your son and he's going to need his mom. So you have to get better." He bends down and kisses her forehead before stepping away.

"I'm going to find him," He tells you, "So you have to look after her." He gives you a sad nod and walks out the room.

As you watch the little man leave, you can't help but feel grateful for his presence. You'd always found him to be a little annoying but now, you're grateful he's there to take care of half the things. You're grateful that there is someone out there looking out for your son, someone who cares as much as you do.

You take the last step to Violet's bed and reach down to touch her, you run your fingers down the side of her face and you feel the tears start to run. She's cold, her skin is cool to touch, you've never felt her this cool, and you know it's not a good sign. She's fighting to survive, and it takes all your energy not to fall in a heap right there and then.

"Violet," You whisper her name and blink back tears. "You've got to get better." You tell her, "I love you. I want you." You say the words and feel everyone in the room turn to look at you. It is the first time you've said the words in front of anyone. The feelings are so new, no one else knew about them.

"Pete," You feel a hand rest against your shoulder, you look up and see Addison standing there. "We're going to get through this." She tells you. You look at her for a moment and then turn away. You don't say anything back, if Violet doesn't get better you don't know if you'll ever get through it.

You reach for a chair and pull it up beside her, you sit down and take her hand. With your fingers you begin to slowly run circles over her palm. You don't know why you're doing, it doesn't really help but you need to hold on to her somehow. It is that position you sit in for the rest of the night, you watch the monitors, listen to the bleeping of the machines, and wait for some sign that she is getting better, that it's going to be okay. Slowly the changes happen, her blood pressure comes back up and stabilizes, the colour starts to come back to her skin, they're good signs but you know it doesn't mean she'll be okay. The complications Addison talked about could still happen.

Throughout the night the others slowly leave, first Dell who can no longer justify staying there with his daughter, then Sam and Naomi there are things at the practice which need to be taken care of, appointments which need to be cancelled. Addison doesn't leave the hospital but she does leave the room, you're not sure what she's doing but it seems to be helping, every few minutes she comes back and checks on all of you. Eventually it is just you and Cooper and Charlotte left. Charlotte is there for Cooper, you listen as she tries to console him but he doesn't want to be consoled, he just wants to blame himself.

As the night goes by it comes out that Cooper could have saved her that he was right there at the door and he heard something but he didn't go inside. The information makes your gut twist and you want to blame Cooper as well, you want to blame him because it is easier to have someone to be mad at.

"It's not your fault Coop," Charlotte sooths for the hundredth time.

"No, it's yours." You watch Cooper push Charlotte away, you watch the hurt and pain hit Charlotte and twist within her. "It was your call, that's why I didn't go in."

"Coop," You watch Charlotte react, pain and guilt seem to visibly run through her. "This isn't anyone's fault." She stammers, she doesn't want it to be her fault; no one wants this to be their fault.

"No," Cooper shakes his head and reaches for Violet, he starts rubbing his thumb over her temple and fresh tears run down his face. "It's your fault." He whispers the words in Charlotte's direction and you watch as she pulls back, after a moment she reaches for him again.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know." She whispers, and she rests a hand on Coopers back. You half expect him to push her away again but he doesn't, he lets her stroke his back but he doesn't turn to her, instead he keeps his eyes fixed on Violet.

It is a scene you've seen though out the night, you've felt yourself. That guilt that this shouldn't have happened, that it could have been stopped. It has happened though and there is nothing you can do about it.

"She's right Cooper," you find yourself saying. "This isn't anyone's fault and blaming each other isn't going to help." You pull your chair closer and bring your free hand to Violet's cheek. "It's not going to make it easier for her." You run your hand along her cheek and feel fresh tears brimming at your eyes. "You've got to get better Violet; you've got to get better." You whisper to her.

They're words you've said countless times, it is the closest you've come to praying. It is all you can do, pray, and wait, you hate the waiting and wish there was something you could do, but there is nothing you can do. It is up to Violet to pull through; everything else has already been done.

As morning rolls around Naomi and Sam return, they tell you they've cancelled everyone's appointments for the next few days, that you shouldn't worry about the practice, that they'll take care of it. Sheldon comes back and tells you the police have been getting lots of phone calls, there are lots of leads, lots of people who think they've seen Katie and the baby, that they're chasing the leads up and he thinks they're going to find them.

They all ask how Violet is doing and you tell them okay. She's doing okay; she's pulled through the night and appears to be getting strong. They tell you, you should go home, get some sleep, that you're going to wear yourself out if you just stay there. They tell you they'll stay with her, that she won't be alone. Her being alone though is not the issue, you just don't want to leave her and neither does Cooper. Eventually they stop trying to make you leave; they just take their own seats and wait with you.

The hours tick by painfully slow, you want her to wake up but you know she can't, twenty four hours pass, and you start asking her doctors when they're going to wake her up, you're told to wait, that they want to give her more time. Thirty six hours pass, you start demanding answers, and finally they say okay, they start easing her off the sedatives, four hours pass and they remove the ventilator. You hold your breath as they pull the tube from her mouth and wait for her to breathe on her own.

Her first breath sends a tingly feeling running through you, you begin to allow yourself to think she might be okay; she just needs to wake up. For the next twelve hours you just sit by her bed and watch her breath, you barely talk to the others in the room, they bring you coffee, food, tell you to get some rest, but you don't want that, all you want is to know Violet is getting better; you want her to wake up.

"When is she going to wake up? It's been two days. You said she'd be awake by now." You're not the only one who wants her awake, everyone wants her awake but Cooper is getting frantic and worried. "Is she going to wake up? You said she'd wake up."

"She's going to wake up." You say the words as calm and as level and you can. "She just needs more time." You reach for her and rub your hand against her face. You desperately want to believe your own words, you want to believe she's going to wake up but as every minute passes you get more and more concerned.

"He's right Coop," Charlotte's still there, still trying to console him. "She just needs more time."

"How much more time?" The question is Cooper's he's not holding himself together well.

"I don't know Coop, I don't know." Charlotte says the words with a sad tone, you see the fatigue in her eyes, the last two days have been wearing hard on her as well. She steps toward Cooper but he walks away, walks to Violet's side and brushes his hand against her face. "She's going to wake up."

"You don't know that." Cooper's words aren't directed at you but they hurt just the same, you've got to believe she's going to get better. "I'm sorry I wasn't there, I should have been there." You watch him tell her for the umpteenth as he rubs her hand.

"It's not your fault Cooper." You have to tell him that, you have to get that through to him; you don't want him blaming himself. "She's going to wake up." You say the words with as much conviction as you can and rub your fingers along her cheek bone. It's a motion you've been doing since you came into the room, it seems to sooth you, and then you hear her moan.

You're not expecting the sound, you've been longing for it but you're not expecting it. For a moment everyone is silent, and then you find your words. "Violet can you hear me?" you ask. "Can you open your eyes, wake up?"

The words spill from your mouth and you find yourself holding your breath, waiting for some response, some sign that you haven't started hearing things. And then you hear it again, another moan and then she's opening her eyes. You watch her blink and you can see her trying to focus, trying to work out her surroundings.

"That's it Violet," you tell her in time with Cooper, "You're doing well." For the briefest of moments you turn to him and smile, he looks as relieved as you feel and then your eyes are back on the woman you love. She wants to talk you can see the thought process in her eyes, across her face.

"Grasshopper." She says the word, the nickname she'd given her baby, and you feel your gut begin to twist again. "Did you find him?"

At that moment you can't look at her, you turn away and use your hand to wipe the tears which are starting to brim.

"They're still looking." You say turning back to her. "Everyone is looking, they've had Katie's photo on the news, at every airport, bus station, they're looking, they're going to find them." You try to sound confident, reassuring but the tone of your voice gives away your doubts, your fear.

"Okay," It is the only word Violet says and you can see her breaking, you can see the devastation she is feeling. She looks lost and scared and you reach down for her, you pull her into your arms and she starts to cry. Loud, violent, uncontrollable sobs, you pull her closer to you, so close you can feel her heart thumping in her chest and you try to sooth her, try to stop her shaking. You whisper words into her ear, you tell her they're going find him, that she'll get though this, that it'll be okay, they're the words you think she needs to hear, that she needs to believe in. She doesn't say anything back to you, she just keeps crying until she reaches the point of exhaustion.

Her sobs become quieter, less frequent, her weight rests against your chest and you can feel she's starting to go back to sleep. You don't want her to sleep but you know she has to, the sedatives might be out of her system but the painkillers aren't and her body is still hurt, she still needs rest. You start to make the move to lay her down again, when the door opens and Sheldon comes walking in.

His cheeks are red, flushed like he's been running, he sees Violet's awake and moves to her, you let him give her a hug, hold her for a moment, but you want to know why he's come back, he wasn't supposed to be back yet.

"Sheldon what's going on?" You ask the question and look him over, there is a spark in his eyes which wasn't there before, he's smiling.

"The LAPD just phoned," He starts to tell you; "They think they've found them."


End file.
